i had a dream three nights ago. one which i found startling only after i awoke … i saw myself engaging my awareness to a small patch of earth, a garden which was in desperate need of attention. overgrown with weeds, dandelions and crab grass, i was instantaneously drawn to the sprouts of new growth. were they sunflowers? baby’s breath? petunias? all flowers which make my heart sing. at the same time i was overcome by the expanse of dirt which was in desperate need of tilling and attention. nothing can grow without this garden’s cultivation, weeds or flowers. it was overwhelming and renewing at the same time. in this moment i awoke to the life that awaited me for the day….
i find myself in a fluid state. if i glide along as if being swept by the elements whether wind or water, i won’t stick too long to objects to make sense of how long i’ve been there. for now i soar knowing that I’ve decided to conclude this ph.d., to follow through with that i started two years ago. to be unrightfully called “dr.” by my students seems like an insult to the path which i’ve trotted upon, but at the same time i find a sense of purpose in teaching young souls the helping profession which I call my own. i am also reminded of the untilled pain of my grandmother’s passing just three years ago. one i still find too painful to cultivate and grow anew. i am also reminded of whether life is truly too short to constantly question the reason for….the reason for….why… and just do. is it people? is it place? were some seeds sewn that never had a chance to come to fruition? acknowledging for once to simply be-come what feels right and stop.. just stop, obstructing what has always been there, and transcend the choices i've made, before the elements take me further into seasons without my knowing.
i also question what it is that instigates my words to grow, setting my inner flowers abloom, while knowing there is so much more to till.
one thing is certain, i have felt only once in my life a sense of static, a sense of where the fluidity seemed to melt away and open up. where the whys and hows didn't seem to matter and doing was the easiest sense of being. but again, as always there is still so much more to express..
i find myself in a fluid state. if i glide along as if being swept by the elements whether wind or water, i won’t stick too long to objects to make sense of how long i’ve been there. for now i soar knowing that I’ve decided to conclude this ph.d., to follow through with that i started two years ago. to be unrightfully called “dr.” by my students seems like an insult to the path which i’ve trotted upon, but at the same time i find a sense of purpose in teaching young souls the helping profession which I call my own. i am also reminded of the untilled pain of my grandmother’s passing just three years ago. one i still find too painful to cultivate and grow anew. i am also reminded of whether life is truly too short to constantly question the reason for….the reason for….why… and just do. is it people? is it place? were some seeds sewn that never had a chance to come to fruition? acknowledging for once to simply be-come what feels right and stop.. just stop, obstructing what has always been there, and transcend the choices i've made, before the elements take me further into seasons without my knowing.
i also question what it is that instigates my words to grow, setting my inner flowers abloom, while knowing there is so much more to till.
one thing is certain, i have felt only once in my life a sense of static, a sense of where the fluidity seemed to melt away and open up. where the whys and hows didn't seem to matter and doing was the easiest sense of being. but again, as always there is still so much more to express..
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